Noble Massage Spa in Santa Barbara

Just had THE WORST massage experience of my life! Do you want a bad massage? Do you want your massage therapist to demand a 35% tip? Noble is the place for you! I've had dozens of professional massages in the past, with dozens of different people / places. I have chronic back pain so. I hadn't had a massage in a few months, and Noble Massage Spa was the closest to me so decided I'd give it a shot. So I called ahead of time and they told me they do walk ins. So I get there at noon. I enter the building, I speak to the lady at the front and tell her I'm interested in a 60 minute massage. She says okay and to follow her to the back. I first ask to use the bathroom (which she seemed somewhat upset about?). Then we go into the room and then she says "You pay first". Which seemed kind of strange...but I say okay so we go back out to the front and I pay... My experience has always been to pay at the end, she must have thought I was going to stiff her or something? I don't think I give off that impression... I'm a clean cut guy in my late 20's... She walks me back to the room and I prepare for the massage. Let's talk about THE ROOM... There was loud music (for a massage room) playing that I wouldn't consider to be... relaxing at all. It sounded like chinese pop music. There was also a LOUD analog clock that you could hear tick every second (not relaxing). The room had a red light (not relaxing). The massage table was one of the most uncomfortable tables I've ever been on. Turns out front desk lady is the one giving me the massage. She barges in the room and just gets right into it and slops some massage oil on my back. The back massage was poor at best. Not nearly enough pressure (I like fairly firm pressure). The rest of the massage was much worse. She then did my legs (poorly), but did not use enough lotion - I have leg hair and it hurt like crazy. The ONLY communication the entire time was when she said to "turn over". That was it, she never checked in with me, never asked about pressure, nothing. So I turn over. She continues with the leg massage. It was terrible, very uncomfortable, not enough lotion, pulling my hairs. No arms, no shoulders, no chest. She moves on to do hands and then scalp. The scalp massage was painful. Then she says "OKAY" and leaves the room abruptly. She did not give me a full 60 minute massage. It was maybe 50-55 minutes. She enters the room again a few seconds later while I'm dressing. She remains in the room while I'm dressing and starts changing the massage table sheets. At this point I had just gotten only my pants on. Still in the room, I'm getting my shirt and jacket on. I get my jacket on and I tell her "thank you" reaching for my wallet in my pocket and she says "NO TIP?!"... I look at her and say... "I'm going to tip right now..." She just stands there looking at me... So a 15% tip on $60 is $9. I had a $20, a $5, and two $1. So I give her the $7 (which works out to about a 12% tip). She saw the $20 and beckons at it and she says "YOU GIVE $20". That is a 35% TIP?! She must be crazy. 10%-20% is the normal range. She insists on the $20 and was gesturing at my wallet. She then says something like "Give me $20 and I get change, you give me $10". I say no. She is completely rude about it and is not thankful at all. She then goes out of the room and starts complaining in Chinese to one of the other woman there. I don't speak Chinese so I don't know what she is saying, but it doesn't sound like anything good. I'm just standing there absolutely dumbfounded. I paid for the massage, I gave her a reasonable tip. And this is how she treats a customer? I just walk out while she continues to be pissed off and speaking Chinese to the other woman. In conclusion. BAD MASSAGE. BAD ENVIRONMENT. BAD MASSAGE THERAPIST. AVOID THIS PLACE!