I visited your Lone Tree Campus SAT/14SEP24 for the first time because I am staying at a nearby hotel (that's a story in itself). I was touched by the pastor's story, and his mother's story about depression, drug addiction, and suicidal ideology. I've suffered from...
Read MoreI visited your Lone Tree Campus SAT/14SEP24 for the first time because I am staying at a nearby hotel (that's a story in itself). I was touched by the pastor's story, and his mother's story about depression, drug addiction, and suicidal ideology. I've suffered from severe depression, I believe ALL my life, but was not "officially" diagnosed until my early 30s. When diagnosed, the light went on because I suspected such. My family was extremely toxic, highly dysfunctional, and chaotic; moreso as the family got bigger, so it was different from the oldest to the youngest. Alcoholism was prevalent on both sides of my famil. At first, when diagnosed, I was mad at God...after all I've been through, now in my 30s, I have to deal with depression?! I felt God abandoned me and now He's cursed me with depression. But, eventually, I had a change of heart. For some reason, I was always interested in psychology. I now thought that this could be a great opportunity to learn from it and learn alot about myself. I thought pursuing treatment and counseling was an investment in myself and imagined what a benefit it would be for me to learn all I can to be a better and more productive person, not only for myself, but also for whomever I end up marrying, and maybe it would help me be a much better parent. As I got older, I realized that my parents probably weren't through the same thing in their own childhood. After decades of medications, counseling, group therapy, and even ECT, I have realized that depression, the triggers that cause it, and everything else about it never goes away - it's always with you...and may even get worse. And, sadly, prayers, faith, and not even God can cure it. I don't know, nor understand why. I believed God would be supportive of my enthusiasm to accept this and search for treatment, studying and learning about it, and support for myself and others who are afflicted with this condition. It is quite paralyzing and greatly suffocating at times...even still some 30 years later. Over the decades, I've come to suspect that God may actually punish us for being depressed. I'm not disparaging God, I'm just stating multiple thoughts and beliefs. I've come to suspect that depression has been quite deeply embedded throughout my family's history due to the heavy alcoholism on both sides of the family. I am not judging anyone in my family or my family ancestors. I understand alcoholism and addiction. People don't wake up and decide to be alcoholic or addicted to drugs. People want some way to feel better. Alcohol and drugs provide an escape. Even sex addicts find an escape from the depressive, anxious, and bipolar events. I still struggle so much with major depressive disorder, anxiety, PTSD, bipolar disorder, and panic attacks. I wonder why I'm still alive. I hate it when I hear people saying that "depressed people are manipulative", "looking for attention", "being overly dramatic", or "...feeling sorry for themselves", or "they just want a pity party". I probably thought those same things at one time in my life. But when I was diagnosed officially, and realized it was spot-on, my thoughts changed. I became more understanding, empathetic, sympathetic, and developed more compassion and lifted all who suffer up in prayer. I have also learned that all these crisis numbers always say everything is confidential - nothing is confidential. I called a crisis line one time and blocked my name and number. The woman was very helpful and comforting. However, she called me by my name. I never told her my name. She said, "Blocking your name and number doesn't work when you call a crisis line; it will automatically be unblocked when calling in.". No more than 5 minutes after finishing the call, 2 police cars and officers were in front of my house. No wonder no one seeks help. Because the pastor has "been there", he innately understands. I encourage him to preach/teach more on the subject. I lift him, his mother, and his kids up in prayer. God bless! 🙏🏼
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